I've been meaning to write about this subject for awhile, and I can't remember if I did or not. If I've already said all of this, forgive me. Sometimes my blog ideas make it to the actual blog, while others stay on my "drafts" list, and I really just need to be more organized and remember what I have actually written.
So the change of heart. I'm a big advocate for the change of heart because I'm not a person who likes to live in absolutes. In fact, you'll often hear me say one thing, and then a year later I'll say a totally different thing. Let me give you some examples:
When I was twenty-one, I was convinced I would never return school to finish my college education. At that time, a degree was not important to me, and I had no desire to pursue it. Since that time, I have attended four different colleges, and if it weren't for our move, I would be continuing my education at Sonoma State. Turns out I was wrong about never returning to school.
Around that time I was also convinced I would never marry. I loved the idea of being single and available to really invest in the lives of others without the constraint that marriage brings. I didn't think there was anything wrong with getting married; it was more that I loved Paul's idea of being single found in 1 Corinthians 7. It was at the height of my "I am perfectly happy never being married and I don't think I'll ever get married" phase that I met Sam. And the rest is history. Yes, I was wrong again.
It has long been known that I've had a major aversion to working in the educational system. Even in elementary school, I despised the way education was presented in California, and swore I would never be a teacher as a way to avoid the absurdities I believed existed. After working with children with special needs, I found out how awesome it is to hang out with these kids, and I'm actually considering getting my Special Ed credential when I finish my BA in order to teach. It's possible I was wrong yet again.
So is this post all about how I'm always wrong? Well, maybe. But it's more about the way I believe God changes our hearts. If we let Him, He gently guides our thoughts, ambitions, and desires to line up with what He has in store for us. Sometimes it's completely opposite of what we've always thought we wanted, and sometimes it fits in perfectly with how we've always felt. But it seems silly to let stubbornness or pride get in the way of something that might turn out to be a huge blessing. Take our move to Oregon. I loved Sonoma State, I loved my job, I loved our church, and I loved our friends. Petaluma finally felt like home to me. Then, in early June, I inexplicably felt a certain peace when I considered the idea of moving. It wasn't until a few days later that Sam even brought up the idea with me, and I realized God had been moving both of our hearts separately, so that by the time we talked about it we were on the same page. And surprisingly, I am happy here and think the move was just what we needed.
I guess I'm just writing this to encourage anyone to allow themselves to change. Just because you're currently known by others as being one way doesn't mean you have to stay that way. Just because you've always been this way doesn't have to mean it must always be true, if you don't feel it should be. Give yourself the opportunity to change your mind, and try not to worry about what others will think. After all, it's your life and it's your responsibility to do with it what God wants you to do.
Similarly, I think we need to allow others to change, rather than boxing them in to whatever mold we think they fit into. Time passes and people mature, and rather than pointing out how different they are, encourage them in whatever direction God might be leading.
So again...sorry if I've said all this before. I just think it's a lesson I've learned, and I like to share anything that I feel has been helpful to me, in case others are in the same boat I've been in. And if this doesn't apply to you at all...write me and tell me what you'd rather I write about. :)