I have a confession to make.
Sometimes my blogs aren't nice, encouraging, or uplifting.
I say on my "Who" page that I want my blog to point to God. And that's the truth. I really do want my blog to be useful in encouraging others. I want to be honest about my struggles in the hopes that someone will feel not quite so alone, or might benefit from lessons I've learned. But, even though my intentions are good, sometimes a few little naughty posts get through. You'd probably never recognize a naughty post because I'm so good at disguising it as a "this is only about me" post, or an "I'm being so humble" post, but I know my motives and intentions, and I'm ashamed to say that they are not always so pure. In this day and age of anyone-and-their-brother can start a blog and project their ideas to the world, it's easy to start using it as my own personal microphone where I can say whatever I think about whatever I want and you poor readers have to just read it and be subjected to my crazy thoughts that I put forth as truth.
Sorry about that.
When my blog becomes too much about me or what I think, that's a problem. I think my ability to write is a gift from God, and I want to use that ability for His glory. Of course my blog will be somewhat about me; I can't avoid that. And some of the most healing moments in my life happened as a result of friends sharing their struggles and what they learned through them, so I want to be able to do the same in that regard - that's where the "about me" will come in.
But...I've felt convicted about the times when I lost sight of my purpose for writing, and I just wanted to make amends here.
Truth be told, I want God to be the boss of my life, and that includes my blog. I want to write whatever He wants others to read. I want to be His instrument. There have been times where I planned to write about one subject, but when I sat down to write, something totally different came out. I hesitated publishing those blogs, considered deleting them, because I felt a little too vulnerable, a little too naked, because they seemed a little too honest, and I wasn't sure I wanted the blogging world to know those intimate thoughts. Not surprisingly, those posts seemed to have resonated the most with people. Funny how that works. I have no doubt that it was God nudging me, knowing that someone somewhere needed to read it, or maybe just that I needed to write it, because it would provide healing for me.
So...why am I telling all of you this? Well, to be honest, I'm having a bit of a "Jonah and the big fish" moment, where I feel like I'm supposed to attack a certain subject that I really really don't want to write about, so I'm sort of avoiding it and hoping that if I ignore this feeling long enough it will just go away. (If you don't understand the Jonah reference, you can read his book in the Bible. Basically, he ignores God's direction because he's scared and gets swallowed by a whale until he learns his lesson.) The funny thing is, ever since I felt this vague sense of what I should write about (which I subsequently ignored), I have felt very little inspiration to write. It's as if my brain has turned off and the writing won't flow again until I write this stupid thing I don't want to write.
Whoever said following God was easy?
So people...what do you want me to write about? My precious friend JulieAnn, who is possibly my biggest writing fan and who encourages me and thinks I'm better than I actually am (probably because she loves me so much) has said she has wanted to send me blog ideas to hear what I would have to say on certain subjects. And I guess I'm just curious - is there any subject any of you think I should tackle? (And if you don't support my ploy to avoid writing about what I don't want to write about, I understand.) I guess I'm just curious to see if anyone will request the exact subject I'm avoiding.
And don't worry, I will write about it...I just don't know when I'll be ready to share it.